حنين♥

I find that i take alot of photos where my face is not head on. not only because i’m a bit cautious and self concious about putting my face out there, but i am also drawn to photography where the subject is faceless. Usually, when you can’t see a subject’s face, they are exuding some type of emotion with their body. i love exploring how the placement of a finger, a misplaced foot or naked hip can exude so many feelings or one very outstanding one. i love minimalism; saying nothing and yet everything through the voiceless, and yet very vocal body. When you can’t see the person’s face, i also feel like it is easier to insert yourself into the art/photography/world of the subject and get engrossed in what they are feeling or conveying…

But that’s just me.

when you can look a person you had so much hate and anger for in the eyes and genuinely wish them well, you know you’re healing. when you can congratulate a person who treated you as nothing more than shit beneath his heel, then you know you are growing.

i had a lot of anger in my heart towards my ex. and i still do. i’ll openly admit that. but it isn’t a fiery inferno of hurt and hate anymore…i’d say it’s a small campfire now. we ended abruptly—my own doing. i just stopped talking to him, and i thought at times i was going to explode because i didn’t get to say everything i wanted to say or tell him how hurt and shattered i was. i was part stubborn, and part tired of being his plaything that i didn’t let my hurt and rage go in a healthy way. i bottled it in, and i thought i would never heal. i have scattered letters addressed to him and pages of undone poems regrettably and embarrasingly enough. but then, over time, you realize how gradually you let the anger go. i started to accept my part in our unhealthy liaison, i started to distance myself, work on myself from the inside out. it still stings. it will always sting when you realize how someone you loved can be so gentle and kind to someone else and move on so easily and go on with life so smoothly without you. he was a huge lesson i needed to learn through and i am so grateful the universe gave him to me for a while; though he was never mine and never mine to keep, the lesson stayed.

i still get flare-ups of anger over the situation. i’d like to go deeper and explain what happened, but it’s all about moving forward, right? let the pieces lie where they were left.

Plus, i fully believe in karma. that shit will fly back around ;)

I always have nailpolish on. always. and as tacky as it is, if I don’t have time to touch it up, i’ll leave it on if it’s chipped because i feel naked without it.